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It Just Keeps Getting Better
by Mark Madden
Nov 12, 2009

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER

Dixie Carter’s speech on TNA Impact was utterly pathetic. I know what she said. Here’s what she actually meant:

“I’m an idiot. A loser. A mark. But I’m the boss. Stop talking about me behind my back. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I sign the checks. If you want that to continue, you’ll play along. Do I have a plan? ****, no. If I had a plan, I’d tell you in private instead of spewing this nonsense in public. Damore, do you need to vomit?”

The one person Carter really needed to convince with that BS was herself. I doubt she did.

Carter’s nutty lament indicates that she’s entering the final stages of money-mark meltdown. Her company stinks. She’s a joke. But if she can get on television and BE A STAR, it will all be worth it.

For Hulk Hogan, anyway.

Here’s how I hope this one plays out, and I just hope I don’t kibosh it by letting the cat out of the bag: TNA TV will devolve into an even screwier version of the old AWA Team Challenge, with Team Hogan vs. Team Carter. Dixie will lead the heels, because Hogan will convince her “it’s more fun, and I’ll make sure you get over, brother!”

It would be horrible, but Hulk and the boys know that keeping Dixie on TV and (she thinks) over will help her indefinitely absorb the vitriolic criticism and financial losses endured by TNA. Bob Carter will be happy because daddy’s little girl is happy.

And why wouldn’t Dixie be happy? She’ll get to interact with AMERICAN HERO HULK HOGAN on a regular basis. Who wouldn’t want to do that...well, besides Linda Bollea?

Dixie’s speech was just incredible. Outrageous. I can’t imagine what TNA’s “talent” was thinking while they had to endure that, but I guarantee the word “ninny” was involved.

The latest word is that Hogan won’t join TNA until January. He apparently wants time to survey the situation and decide once and for all if he wants to be involved…uh, I mean, he wants to appraise the product and figure out exactly what needs to be done.

Oh, good Lord. Can you imagine Hogan sitting down with 20 hours worth of Impact tapes and analyzing them? Figuring out what’s working, what isn’t? Who’s over, who isn’t? I called the guy a liar last week. I’d like to thank him for such emphatic confirmation.

Maybe Hogan is giving Bubba The Love Stooge time to decide if he wants to join the creative team. I’ve been told that’s in the cards. Maybe the Nasty Boys are trying to get under 400 pounds each.

Hogan has faced some juicy situations, but this is right up there with any. True, the Carters don’t have near the fortune of TBS, or Time Warner/AOL. But the Carters don’t have the business acumen, either, or the layers of administration. There’s less people to hoodwink.

Hogan probably thinks he could get it all. Who knows? If he signs a contract with Panda Energy, not TNA, maybe he could. That might motivate him to see this through.