8 Months since my Overdose

[danicalifornia]

Today marks 8 months since I made an attempt on my own life with prescription medication.

I was in a dark, dark place at the time. My depression and anxiety were at an all time high, I was unemployed, and felt totally behind in life for my age.

I had woken up with a migraine at 9am and decided that I needed to go to sleep, but without the intention of ever waking up. I took a handful of my migraine medicine and a handful of my anxiety medicine (which thankfully countered each other instead of working together) and I was ready to go.

I sent out goodbye messages to my closest friends and had written a note and something crazy happened, my father called me for the first time in 9 months. I took that as a sign and asked if he could take me to the hospital. But, he lives an hour and a half away, so I called my unreliable best friend who rarely answers my calls...and he immediately answered and was able to get me there first to save me.

Over the next 3 days, I spent my time in a stupor as the anxiety medicine was still in my system and having a calming effect on me. On the 4th day, I went to OSU and was admitted to their suicide watch unit. I spent the next 4 days in there getting medications switched and lots and lots of counseling.

Now, I'm finishing my student teaching in the next month and will finally finish college 13 years after originally starting. I still have bouts of anxiety and depression, but thanks to OSU, I have much better ways to cope than before. Every single day that I wake up, I thank God for giving me a second chance and not letting me quit on myself. My friends and family have been amazing throughout this whole process of recovery, which will never be finished.

The biggest thing that I can say to anyone is to get help. If you're feeling suicidal, there is help out there and people love you, even if they don't say it every day, you mean something to someone. I couldn't see that for the longest time and felt the need to end things, but thankfully for my second chance, I feel it now.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you are all able to be as thankful as I am today.

[noreply66]

danicalifornia

great sign where you can put this out. About 14 years ago a came down with agoraphobia and for two year I couldn't make it out of the house without having to go through a lot of anxiety so I stayed in the house most of the time. Most people don't understand what is happening to someone with anxiety and depression. I have taken meds for 14 years and have things under control. The first two years I lived on this site. Without it I would have been going up the walls.

Glad you are much better and to see were you are now I know you have come along way.
Continue to go where you want in life

Noreply

[YOU'RE TIGER BAIT]

danica what a praise to god it is that you were unsuccessful in your attempt. I am so pleased to read that and I nearly done the same one time with a smith n wesson .357. I tore my knee out in high school football. had my knee repaired. graduated high school, and got married to someone I barely knew. she found a boyfriend and we were done after 2 years. praise god we never had any kids, tore my knee out again in the army. found out I had keratoconus and that I was going blind, and my knee was blown out again. went blind, was blind for 3 years. was single for 5 years and me n lisa met and we've been married 29 years. in 1984 I had a 22 pound packing mortar block fell 77 feet and hit the top of my hardhat at Armco steel. crushed my back. irreparably caused spinal damage. I have had 7 knee surgeries, 3 cornea transplants, have a steel knee now for 16 years. and another to replace this winter. went through a bankruptcy, had 14 surgeries. 2 botched adoptions, and I have crippling arthritis a very severe fast growing type, after 30 years of n-saids medicine it had affected my kidneys nearly beyond repair. praise god they caught that in time about 6 years. I've been through some gruesome surgeries, rehab and injuries. I have depression problems because of all of this. and somewhere in the middle of there I came home to no electric. though the check was laying on the desk at buckeye electric. lisa was at work, and I could hardly walk, I had had to retire on disability. and I came home. opened my bible to john 3:16 loaded my pistol, sat on my bed, and shook like I was in a tornado. then god stepped in. and praise god I never done that, because I'd have never been able to have forgiven myself. and all of a sudden I felt very cowardly about myself, and like a quitter. so I uncocked n unloaded my gun. got on my knees and wept and prayed for what seemed like eternity.now I have 2 wonderful sons 26 n 27, a 4 year old grandbaby, and a wonderful Christian wife. have my dream home on the lake that me and ohio valley bank own. I'm in a wonderful church, with an amazing preacher and church family. I play gospel music nearly all day every day. I listen to a lot of gospel music in my vehichles, read my bible, read stuff that is Christian related. so it's never that bad. don't ever forget that my friend. and I'm going to send you a pm with my home phone. i'll talk to you anytime you need. day or night. don't worry my health is still all jacked up, but god put me to work for him. and don't mind the mrs. if you need to call. she's used to it. and I do it all week long. i'll also pray for you after I get off here. and thank god that you didn't. you can also hit me up on facebook, tom Osborne, waverly, ohio. look for the big headed cat with the red beard. I still have basically the same troubles but better some now, I have not worked since 1992, and I'm in pain all day. but I'm on no controlled substances and I let god handle the hard stuff. god bless you, bait.