Jokes Or Funny Stories

[BubbleGumTiger]

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?

So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

[mustang_lvr]

Those 10 ah see people will get you

[BubbleGumTiger]

Those 10 ah see people will get you

u think......

[KVDW]

or at the Ironton boat dock with 2 oars...........

hey, mate. the ironton boat dock is a bloody good place to pick up a couple of oars about any evening around 7 pm.

[BubbleGumTiger]

OÂ’Neil's Pub

I was in my favorite Irish pub last Saturday night, knocked back a few beers, and noticed two very large women by the bar.They both had pretty strong accents that sounded to me like an Irish brogue, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them looked down on me frowning and said in a nasty voice, "It's WALES, you idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

That's pretty much the last thing I remember!

[mustang_lvr]

:aaaaa8 :aaaaa8 :aaaaa8

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dear Abby: My boyfriend is going to be 20 years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? —Carol

Dear Carol: Nevermind what he'd like, give him a tie.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dear Abby: Our son married a girl when he was in the service. They were married in February and she had an 8 1/2-pound baby girl in August. She said the baby was premature. Can an 8 1/2-pound baby be this premature? —Wanting to Know

Dear Wanting: The baby was on time. The wedding was late. Forget it.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dear Abby: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? —Jake

Dear Jake: Yes, and also hazardous

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dear Abby: I've been going with this girl for a year. How can I get her to say yes? —Don

Dear Don: What's the question?

[KVDW]

Dear Abby: Can you get STDs in public restrooms? --Charles

Dear Charles: Yes, but the floor is usually cold and hard.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dear Abby: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? —Gertie


Dear Gertie: I don't know. What's he getting?

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dear Abby: My wife sleeps in the raw. Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast — still in the buff. We're newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there's really nothing wrong with it. What do you think? —Big Orange

Dear Big Orange: It's O.K. with me. But tell her to put on an apron when she's frying bacon.

[noreply66]

popping hot grease--ouch

[Leo Byrd]

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?

Drool.

[noreply66]

What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison oak.







A rash of good luck.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dear Abby: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? —Bess

Dear Bess: Night and Day.

[noreply66]

Why should you never iron a four-leaf clover?











You don't want to press your luck.

[TRENCHFOOT]

:122245

[BubbleGumTiger]

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"

Without skipping a beat she said "It's President's Day!".
She is a smart kid. So I asked her "What does President's Day mean?".

I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln ... etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of Bull Sh!t.”
" You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!”