Signs that make you say HUH??
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 8:31 pm
> They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with
> typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or
> were announced in church services:
>
> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
> tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
> recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
> those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
> conflict.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
> obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
> nursery downstairs.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
> sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
> church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
> Music will follow.
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
> Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> person you want remembered.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
> and gracious hostility.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
> may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
> from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
>
> -------------------------------------------------
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies
> are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use
> the back door.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
> Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
> this tragedy.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
> Please use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
> slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
> typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or
> were announced in church services:
>
> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
> tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
> recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
> those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
> conflict.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
> obvious pleasure to the congregation.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
> nursery downstairs.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
> sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
> church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
> Music will follow.
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
> Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> person you want remembered.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
> and gracious hostility.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
> may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
> from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
>
> -------------------------------------------------
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies
> are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use
> the back door.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
> Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
> this tragedy.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
> Please use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
> slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
