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Little five year old Johnny was talking to his basketball coach at practice and he said to his coach. "Coach.. Abe Lincoln must have been on a real bad basketball team when he played." Coach says why do you say that.' Johnny says " Well it says he had only four scores in seven years."

When you are 70

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I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

Senility

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year,

not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

Relationships are a lot like algebra

Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?