Wit & Wisdom

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed May 31, 2006 5:42 am

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads .....................

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed May 31, 2006 5:50 am

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed May 31, 2006 6:10 am

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed May 31, 2006 2:00 pm

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed May 31, 2006 5:52 pm

True generosity toward the future consists in giving everything to the present," ----- Albert Camus,quoted in the Philadelphia Inquirer

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jun 01, 2006 1:28 pm

The cure for boredom is curiosity.There is no cure for curiosity.

Dorothy Parker,Quoted in the Associated Press

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 8:25 am

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:03 pm

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you ,but he will make you a fool of himself,too.

Samuel Butler,quoted in the Bradenton,Fla.,Herald

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:51 pm

Not everything that can be counted counts,and not everything that counts can be counted

Albert Einstein,quoted in the Indianapolis Star

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Sat Jun 03, 2006 8:27 am

A win, win, win, solution on the subject of immigration:

Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border. Take the dirt, raise the levies in New Orleans, and put the Florida alligators in the moat.....

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Jun 03, 2006 9:32 pm

Ideals are like stars;you will not succeed in touching them with your hands.But like the seafaring man on the desert of water,you choose them as your guides,and following them you will reach your destiny.

Former U.S. Sen.Carl Schurz,quoted in the Associated Press

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 9:33 am

I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life.

Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 3:02 pm

At pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 3:59 pm

Wear a smile and you have friends;wear a scowl and you have wrinkles.

George Eliot,quoted in the Los Angeles Times

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Tue Jun 06, 2006 8:40 am

Aspire to inspire before you expire.........

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jun 06, 2006 2:44 pm

A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car.

Theater critic Kenneth Tynan,quoted in the Duluth,Minn., News-Tribune

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Tue Jun 06, 2006 5:31 pm

As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."

From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed Jun 07, 2006 8:23 am

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.......

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Jun 07, 2006 9:09 pm

It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him.

John Steinbeck,quoted in Forbes

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed Jun 07, 2006 9:25 pm

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.....