Bad Week For

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jun 01, 2007 8:12 pm

Nature, after a 60-year-old New Jersey woman gave birth to twins last week. Frieda Birnbaum was impregnated via in vitro fertilization. I don't feel like I.m 60, she said.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:05 pm

The New York Yankees, whose latest losing streak left them in last place,depite the major leagues highest payroll.After yet another Yankee loss,a New York tabloid published photographs of star third baseman Alex Rodrigues entering a Toronto hotel with a blonde who was not his wife.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jun 07, 2007 10:57 pm

Underground parking, after a German woman mistook a subway entrance in Dusseldorf for a parking ramp and drove her Volkswagen Beetle down the stairs.The car bumped to a stop halway down,and no one was hurt.

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Jun 09, 2007 9:53 am

Gay men, who are almost as bad as heterosexual women at reading maps,due to poor spatial abilities,according to a new study.Gay men are,however,more willing than straight men to ask for directions.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jun 15, 2007 10:28 pm

The thrill of getting your driver's license, after Safeco Insurance introduced an onboard automobile device that notifies parents if teens exceed the speed limit.At any time,parents can log onto the Internet and find the precise location of the teen's car.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:07 pm

Lunatics, after police in Brighton,England,announced plans to deploy more beat officers on nights with a full moon.From my experience, said Inspector Andy Parr,on full-moon nights we do seem to get people with,sort of, stranger behavior---more fractious,argumentative.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:47 am

Resting in peace, after the British government announced that owing to a shortage of cemetery space,the dead will soon have to start sharing graves.Any body that has been buried for more than a century will be exhumed,have its grave deepened,then be returned to the ground to await a newly deceased grave-mate who will,as it were,occupy the upper bunk.

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 1:55 pm

Free love, after the California State Assembly passed a bill requiring all pet owners to sterilize their cats and dogs or face a $500 fine.Pet owners call the proposed law an invasion of their priacy,but animal-right activists said it was the only way to reduce the growing population of unwanted pets.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:31 am

Poland,with the news that the 1,200 Polish troops joining NATO's security force in Afghanistan could not join the fight for several weeks,because the keys to their Humvees and other military vehicles had been stolen." We shall have to send away for spares," a spokesman for the defense ministry said.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:42 am

Staying informed, after the office of Mike Leavitt,the federal Health and Human Services secretary,called the offices of Sen.Craig Thomas to schedule a meeting.Thomas had died three days earlier of leukemia,a fact that was widely reported.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 3:40 pm

Neighborliness, after a teenager recovering from a car crash in a German hospital's intensive care unit unplugged the life-support machine of the man in the next bed because it's incessant beeping was keeping him awake.Nurses,fortunately,were on hand to reconnect the man and save his life.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:49 am

Being built to last,, after a formerly gold '57 Plymouth Belvedere,sealed up 50 years ago in a concrete time capsule at Oklahoma's Tulsa Convention Center,was unearthed this week and found to be a festering hulk of rusted metal and rotten upholstery." We had such hopes," said event organizer Sharon King Davis.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:08 am

Humanity, after an exhibition of Sir Issac Newton's private papers opened at Jerusalem's Hegrew University.Among other writings by the father of modern science that the exhibit features is a 1704 letter from Newton predicting the end of the world in 2060,based on a close study of biblical texts.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:49 am

Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi, of Japan,the worlds champion of competitive eating,who has been diagnosed with jaw arthritis,a career-threatning condition. Kobayashi,29,once ate 53 hot dogs in a competion,and 97 hamburgers in another."My jaw has given up the fight," he said.

NOTE Kobayashi won this years 4th of July hot dog contest by eating 54--winning by two.(last heard problem was from a tooth and it was removed)

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Jul 07, 2007 9:46 am

Tradition,after a California judge settling a financial dispute between two Korean immigrants ruled that a contract written in blood is not legally binding."Blood is the worst of all testimonies to truth," said Judge Corey Cramin,quoting the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:01 pm

Sticking to the rules,after the manager of a Miami Wendy's refused to give a customer more than 10 packets of chili sauce,and was then shot several times in the arm. Wendy's company policy,the mamager tried to explain before his angry assailant fled,limits customers to only three packets of chili sauce.

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 9:03 am

Speed reading,after Dave Barclay,34, flew from Toronto to his hometown of Cardiff,Wales,to attend the wedding of a childhood friend,only to learn the ceremoney is scheduled for July 6,2008.Barclay blamed his mistake on reading an e-mail announcement too quickly.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:36 am

Catholic-Protestant relations,after Pope Benedict XVI issued an official document that declared Roman Catholicism the only real Christian religion. Protestant churches,the pope said,"cannot be called 'churches' in the proper sense."

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:34 am

Stonehenge, the ancient British stone circle,which failed to be voted one of the new Seven Wonders of the World in a worldwide Internet poll. The disappointed keeper of the stones,Terry Dobney, scoffed at the selection of the Taj Mahal and the Great Wall of China."We know who built them and why they were built,"Dobney said."There's not a great wonderment attached to them."

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jul 23, 2007 1:17 pm

User of public toilets,after Kimberly-Clark Corp. unveiled an electronic toilet-paper dispenser that limits users to a mere five sheets."People generally in life will take what you give them," opined Richard Thorne of the company's washroom division.