Bad Week For

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Jun 17, 2006 7:55 pm

Testing the Almighty, after a Ukrainian man shouted "God will save me--if he exists!" before lowering himself into the lion enclosure at Kiev Zoo.A lioness promptly servered his carotid artery and killed him.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jun 19, 2006 10:41 am

Too much tranparency, after Aberdeen Maternity Hospital closed its IVF clinic due to a lack of sperm.New laws prohibit men from donating anonymously,with the results that there is now only one active donor in all of Scotland.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jun 20, 2006 10:57 am

Spontaneity, after the world's oldest surviving condom went on display in an Austrian museum.The prophylactic dates back to 1640 and comes with an instruction manual written in Latin.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 8:23 am

False alarms,after security screeners evacuated 450 passengers from the Tallahassee Regional Airport when they thought they spotted an improvised bomb in the carry-on bag of food writer Todd Coleman.The "bomb" turned out to be digital recording device,an oyster shell,a bottle of Tupelo honey,and a bottle of Bad Byron's Butt Rub.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 9:48 pm

Goldilocks, after a Canadian --a nonfictitious one--came home to find a bear eating porridge in her kitchen."She did the right thing," said Sgt.Paul Skeiton. "She vacated the area and called us."

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 9:28 pm

Civic pride,after New York City,an East Coast metropolis known for its abrasive,tough-minded attitude,was declared the most polite city in the world by research from Readers Digest magazine.Zurich,Switzerland,came in second.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jul 03, 2006 5:48 pm

Prospecting, after Henry Mora of Montclair,Calif.,dug a cavernous,60-foot-deep hole in his front yeard, urged on by the beeping of a store-bought gold detector." I figured,well , maybe there's something down there--you would logically conclude,right?"

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Jul 05, 2006 7:21 pm

Sharing, after Sen. Joe Biden was asked if he plans to run for president."I'd rather be at home making love to my wife while my children are asleep,"Biden replied.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:22 pm

Adolescent impulses, after a Massachusetts teenager flung himself from a speeding train because he had missed his stop."I wasn't really thinking," explained Jake Todaro,15,who suffered facial abrasions and a broken finger.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:53 am

The TV ratings, after officials with the All England Club announced a strict new dress code for female competitors at the Wimbledon tennis tournament.The Skimpy,low-cut outfits favored by the Anna kournikovas and Maria Sharapovas of this world will no longer be tolerated.

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 6:41 pm

Drunk dialing, after the launch of the Samsung LP4100,a cell phone that requires the user to pass a Breathalyzer test before making a call.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 10:37 pm

Teddy Roosevelt, after an elm tree he planted a century ago on the White House lawn was knocked over in a rainstorm.The tree can still be seen in an upright condition on the back of the $20 bill.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 7:18 pm

Glimpsing the future, after a Dutch woman visiting an uncle's grave tumbled into a neighboring grave,landing on a coffin.It took several minutes for cemetery workers to pull her,screaming,out of the ground."When the time comes," Monique Zuydendorp announced after she cleaned the dirt off her cloths,"I want to be cremated.

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Jul 23, 2006 8:34 pm

Inexperienced sailors, after two Irish thieves were rescued at sea after making off with a fishing boat and getting utterly lost."They had no experience of the sea whatever," said resuer Ray Steadman. "They didn't even know how to switch the cabin light on.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:31 pm

Experienced sailors, after the newly commissioned Crown Princess cruise ship had a steering problem off the coast of Florida,and suddenly listed 30 degrees to one side.Dozens of passengers were tossed through the air,as deck furniture went flying and water sloshed out of the pool.It was a scene out of Titanic,said one terrified passenger.

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 9:32 am

Bad trips, after two men allegedly high on LSD and marijuana took over a pedestrian bridge in Boulder,Colo., pretended to be trolls,and demanded that a passing police officer pay them a dollar.Instead,he arrested them.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:37 pm

Conspiracy theorists, after an autopsy revealed that convicted former Enron CEO Ken Lay really did die of a heart attack.There had been speculation that Lay had either committed suicide or,more likely,faked his own death.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Aug 08, 2006 5:26 pm

Sobriety, after a glut in the Australian grape harvest pushed the price of some decent bottles below $2,or less than a bottle of mineral water.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Fri Aug 11, 2006 5:50 am

Taking a flight.....

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Aug 11, 2006 7:56 am

That just might have been