Jokes Or Funny Stories

[BubbleGumTiger]

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good
friends.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel;
I desperately gave
myself a personal TSA pat down.

I was looking for my keys. They were not in my
pockets. A quick search
in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the
car. Frantically, I
headed for the parking lot.

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving
the keys in the
ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not
to lose them.

His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a
terrifying conclusion.His
theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my
location, confessed
that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had
been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all,
"Honey," I stammered; ( I
always call him "honey" in times like these.)

"I left my keys in the car and it's been
stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call
had been dropped,
but then I heard his voice.

"Are you kiddin' me", he barked, "I dropped you
off"!!!!!!!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I
said, "Well,come and
get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this
cop I didn't steal
your car."

Yep it's the golden years.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

[caglewis]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

Please, Turk, quit using any religious or other insulting terms as JOKES.
Insulting Muslims now is no funnier than insulting Catholics or Irish or Polish was then. And insulting medical disabilities has always been CRUEL - never FUNNY!!!

[wheelersburg fan 89]

insulting muslims is hilarious

[Tigercannon71]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

Please, Turk, quit using any religious or other insulting terms as JOKES.
Insulting Muslims now is no funnier than insulting Catholics or Irish or Polish was then. And insulting medical disabilities has always been CRUEL - never FUNNY!!!

As long as you insult everybody equally theres no harm in it. Thats why this is the Joke or Funny story thread.

[abuck76]

I agree with you cage.........Thanks for standing up....... :12224

[BubbleGumTiger]

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a Muslim.....

[Tigercannon71]

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a Muslim.....

Not as funny.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

[farmer]

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

That would depend on if your own mental elevator goes to your top floor???

[BubbleGumTiger]

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

That would depend on if your own mental elevator goes to your top floor???

my elevator has been stuck on the top floor for many years...........

[BubbleGumTiger]

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

[BubbleGumTiger]

WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet ,I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

[noreply66]

heard this

[farmer]

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

That would depend on if your own mental elevator goes to your top floor???

my elevator has been stuck on the top floor for many years...........

To many on here think there elevator goes up to the top floor when talking politics. Only to find out that their elevator is not allowed up close to the top floor. As well as not allowing their elevator doors to open.

[Tiger Lady]

too many on here talking politics are frigging idiots........

[Charley Hustle]

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

[BubbleGumTiger]

And God promised men that good and obedient wives
would be found in all corners of the world.


Then He made the earth round....and laughed and
laughed and laughed...

[BubbleGumTiger]

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and
some of the roads weren't paved.