Jokes Or Funny Stories

[abuck76]

tuck at a bar............... :12224

[noreply66]

tuck at a bar............... :12224

:aaaaa59

[BubbleGumTiger]

tuck at a bar............... :12224

:aaaaa59

[mustang_lvr]

right funny there

[BubbleGumTiger]

He who hesitates is probably right.

[BubbleGumTiger]

A week before marijuana is legalized in Colorado, Peyton Manning acquires 21 Papa John's there...well played, Peyton...well played...

[BubbleGumTiger]

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

[caglewis]

Alec Baldwin "quoted" a text message exchange: "Did you hear how that Repub rape guy did?" Answer: "Which one?" Exactly correct and indicative of Repubs.
The REPUBLICAN mantra is PROUDLY hateful, hurtful, exclusionary - xenophobic, homophobic, misogynistic, and racist! AND THEY GOT BEAT! THEY'RE THE JOKE

[BubbleGumTiger]

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

[BubbleGumTiger]

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..

[BubbleGumTiger]

An old but beautiful story of marriage and the communication between a husband and his wife.

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do.
Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you
that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

[BubbleGumTiger]

I love Christmas lights! They remind me of.....


"the people who voted for Obama......."
They all hang together; half of them don't work,
and the ones that do, aren't all that bright!

[noreply66]

I love Christmas lights! They remind me of.....


"the people who voted for Obama......."
They all hang together; half of them don't work,
and the ones that do, aren't all that bright!

But that is better than a set of light that doesn't get out of the box and remains in the dark all the time.

[BubbleGumTiger]

A Mexican, a Black, a Muslim and a Redneck were walking together on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand.

He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared."I can only grant four wishes, "the Genie said. "Since there are four of you, you may have a wish a piece."

Pointing at the Black, he said, "Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish."

The Black studied for a moment then said, "I wish for a fleet of ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa .."

Poof! It was done! Hundreds of ships appeared on the skyline.

The Mexican said, "I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all my people back to our homeland, May-he-co!"

Poof! It was done! Row after row of Chevrolet Pickups appeared on the beach.

The Muslim said, "I wish for ten thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah."

Poof! It was done! ten thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, "And what is your wish?

The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the sunset, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.

The Redneck said, "Just give me a Bud Light. It doesn't get any better than this!"

[BubbleGumTiger]

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words,,,,,, 'The' an 'IRS' togethe it spells 'Theirs...'

[BubbleGumTiger]

I HAVE REACHED A DECISION TO RUN FOR A POLITICAL OFFICE, AND WOULD LIKE TO HIRE YOU TO WORK DILIGENTLY AGAINST ME TO ASSURE MY ELECTION TO THE OFFICE I CHOOSE........

[BubbleGumTiger]

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and
some of the roads weren't paved.

[BubbleGumTiger]

A union captain walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama's victory when he sees a guy close by wearing a Romney for President button and two beers in front of him. He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican.

So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that
everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union captain.

The union captain once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union captain once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union captain asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly ass does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?"

"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."

[BubbleGumTiger]

Cowboy: "That your dog?"

Indian: "Yep."

Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian...)

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: (Look of total disbelief)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian...)

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."

Indian: (Look of total amazement)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep lie."

[BubbleGumTiger]

God
said, "Adam, I
want you to do
something for
Me."

Adam
said, "Gladly,
Lord, what do You
want me to do?"

God
said, "Go down
into that
valley."

Adam said, "What's
a valley?"

God explained it to him.

Then God said,
"Cross the
river."

Adam said, "What's a
river?"

God explained that
to him, and then said,
"Go over to the
hill....."

Adam said,

"What is a
hill?"


So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On
the
other side of the
hill you will find a
cave."


Adam said, 'What's a
cave?'

After God explained,
He
said, "In the cave
you will find a woman."


Adam said, "What's a
woman?'

So God explained
that to him, too.
Then, God said, 'I
want you
to
reproduce."

Adam said, "How do
I do
that?"

God first said (under
His breath),

And then,
just like everything else, God explained that to
Adam, as
well.

So, Adam goes down
into
the valley,

across the river, and
over the hill,
into the
cave, and finds the
woman.

Then, in
about five minutes, he was back.

God,
His patience
wearing thin, said
angrily, "What is
it
now?"

And Adam said....


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(YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE
THIS!!!!!!)

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"What's a
headache?"