Jokes Or Funny Stories

[BubbleGumTiger]

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

--Jay Leno

[noreply66]

Leon is one to talk---lol

[BubbleGumTiger]

Male Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess said, "No"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-chested women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan.

He never heard any complaining and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The End

[BubbleGumTiger]

If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked,

You should sniff some Windex first.

It'll keep you from streaking.

[robycop3]

Blonde:(To 911 operator) Quick! Send the Fire Dept. to my house! It's on fire!

911: How do we get there?

Blonde: In them big red trucks, I hope!

[BubbleGumTiger]

How do you know when you're staying in a Redneck motel?

when you call the front desk and say,

" I gotta leak in my sink, and the clerk replies ........."Go ahead."

[BubbleGumTiger]

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?

A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

--David Letterman

[BubbleGumTiger]

Q: What's the difference betweenObama's cabinet and a penitentiary?

A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.

[Charley Hustle]

Today I had to go to the mall.
As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicapped parking space that was open and available.

The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!"

Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! "Oh, I'm sorry" I said. "I saw your Obama bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder."

She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me.
Boy! Some people don't appreciate it when you're just trying to help them out!

[BubbleGumTiger]

A lady in KY sued a hospital where her husband treated. She said after the hospital stay, he lost all interest in sex. The hospital said he was treated in the Opthomology Dept. They said all we did was correct his eyesight. OUCH

[BubbleGumTiger]

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum Drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ???

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

[TRENCHFOOT]

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum Drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ???

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

[BubbleGumTiger]

This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors.




"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"

The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, ....
"Well, sh!t, that explains why no one was at church either.

[TRENCHFOOT]

:aaaaa24

[BubbleGumTiger]

A new Redneck law was just recently passed

When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Did you hear that the Redneck Governor's
Mansion burned down?

'Yep... Prit'near took out the whole trailer park.. The library
Was a total loss too. Both books went poof . .... . Up in flames
And the Governor hadn't even finished coloring one of them.'

[BubbleGumTiger]

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

[BubbleGumTiger]

New Book

A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

[BubbleGumTiger]

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs.

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf.
Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

Best Regards,
Charlie Sheen