Jokes Or Funny Stories

[BubbleGumTiger]

If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide.

You may be a Muslim

[BubbleGumTiger]

If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing,

You may be a Muslim.

[BubbleGumTiger]

If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs,

You may be a Muslim.

[BubbleGumTiger]

If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four,

You may be a Muslim.

[BubbleGumTiger]

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

[BubbleGumTiger]

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

[BubbleGumTiger]

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

[BubbleGumTiger]

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

[BubbleGumTiger]

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

[BubbleGumTiger]

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

[grndma1]

What did the baby ear of corn say to the Momma ear of corn? ....."Where's Pop corn?"

[BubbleGumTiger]

Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

[BubbleGumTiger]

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

[BubbleGumTiger]

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

[BubbleGumTiger]

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

[BubbleGumTiger]

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

[BubbleGumTiger]

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas , Texas, mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, “Excuse me, do you speak English?"

Lee responded, “Yes Ma'am, I do."

The lady then asked, “What do you charge to do yard work?”

Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her."

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off