Jokes Or Funny Stories

[noreply66]

" Now tell me the truth, boys, is this kind of fun?"

House Majority Leader Tom Delay ]R-TX], to three young hurricane evacuees from New Orleans at the Astrodome in Houston, Texas.

[BubbleGumTiger]

I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

[noreply66]

WE spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.

President George W. Bush in 2001...................the Bushwacker

[BubbleGumTiger]

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.


As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America."
The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?"


The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is ... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek."

The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..."

[noreply66]

Add one little bit on the end.....Think of potato..how's it spelled? You're right phonetically, but what else...? There ya' go...all right.


Dan Quayle. correcting ..a student's correct spelling of the word potato..during a spelling bee at an elementary school [he told the student to add an e at the end.

have to love these people that think they are perfect

[BubbleGumTiger]

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. ~Albert Einstein

[noreply66]

Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war................Donald Rumsfeld

[BubbleGumTiger]

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

[noreply66]

Fluency in English is something that I'm often not accused of.......................George H. W. Bush

[BubbleGumTiger]

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

[noreply66]

To those of you who receive honors, awards, and distinctions , I say, " Well done." To The C students, I say, "You , too, can be president of the United States."

George W. Bush...........speaking at Yale in 2001.................If you have help from your bother.....

[Leo Byrd]

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

[BubbleGumTiger]

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers

always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

[noreply66]

In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.


Sen Rick Santorum ..speaking to a reporter in 2003

[BubbleGumTiger]

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

[noreply66]

Did my hands touch her neck? Yes, I admit that. Did I try to touch her neck? No, absolutely not. It was a total reflex.

conservative Wisconsin Supreme Court Justice David Prosser, admitting that he put his hands around liberal Justice Ann Walsh Bradley's neck during a 2011 confrontation.

[Leo Byrd]

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

[BubbleGumTiger]

A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies.

[noreply66]

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and a child.

Dan Quayle in 1988

[Leo Byrd]

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist who also happens to be an animal rights activist.

The discussion came around to deer hunting.

The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?'"

Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress."

The interview ended.