Jokes Or Funny Stories

[BubbleGumTiger]

One Saturday evening,
before Mass at his church,
a man entered the
Confessional.



He began with,"Bless me, Father, for I've sinned. It's been four weeks since my last Confession."



The Priest responded,"Yes, my son, go on."




The man continued, "Well, Father, you see, .....last night I beat the crap out of an Obama supporter!"




The Priest replied, "My son, I am here to listen to your sins...not to discuss your community service."

[noreply66]

See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.

George W. Bush....2005

[Leo Byrd]

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Investment Opportunity


German Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan.

He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.

It's doing well.

He says prophets are going through the roof.

[noreply66]

I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I don't always agree with them.

George H. W. Bush

[BubbleGumTiger]

A Suspended Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist, a Terrible golferwalk into a BAR.


Bartender says.



"What'll it be, Mr. President?

[BubbleGumTiger]

Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.

After Christmas , a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent
their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They
used to live in a big brick house , but Grandpa got retarded and they
moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box that has wheels, but its
strapped to the ground. They ride around on their bicycles , and wear
name tags, because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a
building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed
because it is all okay now, they do exercises there , but they don't
do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all just
jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll
house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so
nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their
golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the
same thing every night - early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The
ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot
luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his
retardment and , says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday
too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll
house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their
grandchildren.

[noreply66]

Dan would rather play golf than have sex any day.

Marilyn Quayle, on her husband

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dan would rather play golf than have sex any day.

Marilyn Quayle, on her husband

she should have called a friend.....

[noreply66]

I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful.

Donald Trump....2000

[BubbleGumTiger]

Dianne Feinstein: "All vets are mentally ill in some way and government should prevent them from owning firearms." Yep, - she really said it on Thursday in a meeting in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee …

[noreply66]

I have often thought that if there had been a good rap group around in those days, I might have chosen a career in music instead of politics.

Richard Nixon, reminiscing about his life in an audio tape narration at the Nixon Library.

[Charley Hustle]

Oh, How I Miss Bill Clinton


From a show on Canadian TV, where
a black comedian said he misses Bill Clinton.

"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill
Clinton!

He was the closest thing we ever
got to having a real black man as President.

*He played the sax.

*He smoked weed.

*He had his way with ugly white women

*Even now? Look at him ... his
wife works, and he doesn't! And, he gets a check from the government
every month.

[BubbleGumTiger]

A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

[noreply66]

I'm a very fit fun classy guy. Live in Cap Hill area. 6ft. 190lbs blond/blue. 39, Lobbyist. I promise not to disappoint.

Rep. Chris Lee....Lee resigned over photo he attached to his E-Mails in 2011

[BubbleGumTiger]

We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

[noreply66]

She's a partner and soul mate.


John McClain on Sarah Palin whom he had met once before tapping her to be his running mate

[Leo Byrd]

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

[BubbleGumTiger]

Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.

[noreply66]

I just want to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace.

George W. Bush...2002