As the AAU season gets under way there are several parents on my child's team, including myself, who have a delicate situation to approach with the coach. The coach of our team has a child on the team and at our first tournament we weren't as successful as we feel we could have been. We have a strong starting line-up, and his child is not a part of the starting line up, yet he played his child for more than a fair share when we were in tight matches. While I believe that it is only fair for all paying players to gain equal access on the court and to the experience of AAU, I also believe that in tightly-matched games we need to play those athletes with the best skills to ensure a win, thus acquiring more games per tournament and more play time per player. With that said, I believe that in games where we are at a greater advantage the bench players should be on the floor more than our starters. I think that it takes a team to make a team, and not only one player can make or break a team, but we need to build our skills in an appropriate arena, and not during a point in the game when we need our starting line-up to either hold our ground or fight back for it.
The coach's child IS a part of our team and a great kid, and our concern is with the COACHING DECISIONS, NOT the player.
My question is this: How do you approach a coach about this delicate situation?
How does one express their concerns without making hard feelings? Do we, as a unified group, approach the coach? Do we do nothing at all? Do we elect someone to represent our feelings? Are we focusing to much on winning? What do we do?
Ethical Approach to Approach a Coach?
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AdvAntAgeousbAller
- Waterboy
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Longfellow Deeds
- Riding the Bench
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Re: Ethical Approach to Approach a Coach?
What grade are you referring too? It would be much easier to understand.
Re: Ethical Approach to Approach a Coach?
This is a great article sent to me from a good coach.
The fine line of being a student-athlete's parent by Tim Warsinskey Friday August 29, 2008, 5:45 AM
For my first 21 years of covering high school sports, I came to
understand an unspoken language with high school varsity coaches when
they uttered one word:
"Parents."
It spoke gigabytes. I knew what the coach was thinking. We shared an
identical image from years on the high school scene: wackos in the
stands screaming at officials or stalking outside locker-room doors
ready to confront the coach.
Then I became one.
A parent. The guy in the stands with a kid in uniform. It didn't happen
overnight, of course. There were countless youth games played, thousands
of miles driven and untold drive-thrus visited from the time my son,
Ian, was 5 through his senior year at Mentor High. Hockey and baseball
were his sports. He became a two-sport starter and earned four varsity
letters before graduating in June.
He learned a lot, and of course, so did I.
Here are the 10 biggest lessons I learned from being a high school
sports parent:
No. 1. Have no expectations, for your child or the coach. If you go into
his or her freshman year thinking "This kid is going to be a star," you
have just set the bar too high.
Trophies won from ages 5 to 15 do not mean a thing. What he or she did
on the freshman and junior varsity teams is almost as unimportant. So
many kids who are young all-stars will fade away. Even among the
seemingly "sure bets" as sophomores, some will lose interest, quit, peak
early, become ineligible or get kicked off the team.
Conversely, for the little ones, puberty is like a magic bean. It takes
them to unexpected places. I'm 5-7. My wife is 5-foot-nothing. My son
grew to be 5-10 and a better athlete than either of us ever were
combined. It was an astonishing transformation, and you will be amazed
at the kids who weren't stars at early ages who stick with it and become
valuable varsity performers.
No. 2. Give your kid space. Let her enjoy her successful moments and
figure out how to deal with defeat, failure and disappointment. Don't
get too wrapped up in the wins and losses. Your job is to make sure your
child does not get too high after a win or too low after a loss.
No. 3. Try to have an objective view of your kid's ability and build on
his or her strengths. Don't tear him down by telling him what he did
wrong unless the child comes looking for constructive criticism. Most of
the time, the kid knows it better than you.
No. 4. Let your child make decisions that matter, with one caveat. When
he or she considers quitting -- and most high school athletes have that
moment -- make the child understand quitting is not the first option,
especially once the season has begun. Dealing with adversity and
persevering are important lessons.
No. 5. Grades really are the most important thing. The chances that he
or she will get a college sports scholarship are almost nil, and even if
the stars align and that happens, the kid still has to have good grades.
No. 6. Don't ignore injuries or signs of extreme mental and physical
fatigue. If he or she is hurting, find out what it is. Playing injured
can hurt the team and your kid's long-term health.
No. 7. Let your child fight his or her own battles with the coach,
especially with regard to the No. 1 complaint: playing time. Your kid
has to learn how to deal with adults. It's part of growing up. He or she
will have to confront professors and bosses, and this is a good place to
learn. If it's another issue and you find it necessary to get involved,
always wait a day to talk to the coach. Let your emotions subside and
think clearly about the point you want to make. If you suspect there is
hazing or abuse taking place, report it to the athletic director or
principal immediately.
No. 8. Support the team and be a good fan. Volunteer, and don't wait to
be asked. Attend booster club meetings. Get to know the other parents.
Make your own positive experience in the stands, no matter what is going
on below.
When you're at the game or event, cheer for everyone on your kid's team,
not just your own. Don't be the jerk in the stands, the one yelling at
the coach, your team, the other team, and mostly the officials. You are
embarrassing your school, your kid and yourself. If you don't have
anything good to say, sit down and shut up. If you're not enjoying
yourself, stay home. You won't be missed.
No. 9. Understand these are competitive sports. It's not Little League
where every kid gets to play. There's going to be disappointment,
heartache, unfairness and injuries. Unless it ends in a state
championship, it will end in defeat. Your kid is going to make mistakes.
The coach will yell at him or her. That's what they do. Let it happen.
He or she is not a baby anymore.
No. 10. Enjoy the ride. It will go by fast. Hug your child when it's
over.
The fine line of being a student-athlete's parent by Tim Warsinskey Friday August 29, 2008, 5:45 AM
For my first 21 years of covering high school sports, I came to
understand an unspoken language with high school varsity coaches when
they uttered one word:
"Parents."
It spoke gigabytes. I knew what the coach was thinking. We shared an
identical image from years on the high school scene: wackos in the
stands screaming at officials or stalking outside locker-room doors
ready to confront the coach.
Then I became one.
A parent. The guy in the stands with a kid in uniform. It didn't happen
overnight, of course. There were countless youth games played, thousands
of miles driven and untold drive-thrus visited from the time my son,
Ian, was 5 through his senior year at Mentor High. Hockey and baseball
were his sports. He became a two-sport starter and earned four varsity
letters before graduating in June.
He learned a lot, and of course, so did I.
Here are the 10 biggest lessons I learned from being a high school
sports parent:
No. 1. Have no expectations, for your child or the coach. If you go into
his or her freshman year thinking "This kid is going to be a star," you
have just set the bar too high.
Trophies won from ages 5 to 15 do not mean a thing. What he or she did
on the freshman and junior varsity teams is almost as unimportant. So
many kids who are young all-stars will fade away. Even among the
seemingly "sure bets" as sophomores, some will lose interest, quit, peak
early, become ineligible or get kicked off the team.
Conversely, for the little ones, puberty is like a magic bean. It takes
them to unexpected places. I'm 5-7. My wife is 5-foot-nothing. My son
grew to be 5-10 and a better athlete than either of us ever were
combined. It was an astonishing transformation, and you will be amazed
at the kids who weren't stars at early ages who stick with it and become
valuable varsity performers.
No. 2. Give your kid space. Let her enjoy her successful moments and
figure out how to deal with defeat, failure and disappointment. Don't
get too wrapped up in the wins and losses. Your job is to make sure your
child does not get too high after a win or too low after a loss.
No. 3. Try to have an objective view of your kid's ability and build on
his or her strengths. Don't tear him down by telling him what he did
wrong unless the child comes looking for constructive criticism. Most of
the time, the kid knows it better than you.
No. 4. Let your child make decisions that matter, with one caveat. When
he or she considers quitting -- and most high school athletes have that
moment -- make the child understand quitting is not the first option,
especially once the season has begun. Dealing with adversity and
persevering are important lessons.
No. 5. Grades really are the most important thing. The chances that he
or she will get a college sports scholarship are almost nil, and even if
the stars align and that happens, the kid still has to have good grades.
No. 6. Don't ignore injuries or signs of extreme mental and physical
fatigue. If he or she is hurting, find out what it is. Playing injured
can hurt the team and your kid's long-term health.
No. 7. Let your child fight his or her own battles with the coach,
especially with regard to the No. 1 complaint: playing time. Your kid
has to learn how to deal with adults. It's part of growing up. He or she
will have to confront professors and bosses, and this is a good place to
learn. If it's another issue and you find it necessary to get involved,
always wait a day to talk to the coach. Let your emotions subside and
think clearly about the point you want to make. If you suspect there is
hazing or abuse taking place, report it to the athletic director or
principal immediately.
No. 8. Support the team and be a good fan. Volunteer, and don't wait to
be asked. Attend booster club meetings. Get to know the other parents.
Make your own positive experience in the stands, no matter what is going
on below.
When you're at the game or event, cheer for everyone on your kid's team,
not just your own. Don't be the jerk in the stands, the one yelling at
the coach, your team, the other team, and mostly the officials. You are
embarrassing your school, your kid and yourself. If you don't have
anything good to say, sit down and shut up. If you're not enjoying
yourself, stay home. You won't be missed.
No. 9. Understand these are competitive sports. It's not Little League
where every kid gets to play. There's going to be disappointment,
heartache, unfairness and injuries. Unless it ends in a state
championship, it will end in defeat. Your kid is going to make mistakes.
The coach will yell at him or her. That's what they do. Let it happen.
He or she is not a baby anymore.
No. 10. Enjoy the ride. It will go by fast. Hug your child when it's
over.
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West Side Pride
- All Conference
- Posts: 883
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 1:44 pm
- Location: Across from Firebrick
Re: Ethical Approach to Approach a Coach?
That is absolutly awsome, and over 100 percent correct. Loved it!!!!!!!
Re: Ethical Approach to Approach a Coach?
In AAU, you are stuck with what you have. It is very early in the AAU season maybe things will get better. If not, then help your kid make the best of it and see the positives. I am sure there are positives in AAU even without the wins. It sounds like your dtr is part of a young team, if so she will get better just by playing the tougher competition. Just wait it out and then next year do your homework first. It may still be possible to find another team now but you will probably have to forfeit you fees. Good Luck. Approaching the coach may or may not be a good idea, it depends on the coaches personality.
My dtr has had a very positive AAU experience, she is entering her 5th season. She has a nonparent head coach with parents as assistants. We still have some unhappy parents who think their child isnt getting enough playing time or whatever, because on their local team their kid is the star. This team is made up of very good kids, all of whom are stars in their local program. We have had the same core group of kids all 5 years. It has been a fun experience for my dtr and myself.
My dtr has had a very positive AAU experience, she is entering her 5th season. She has a nonparent head coach with parents as assistants. We still have some unhappy parents who think their child isnt getting enough playing time or whatever, because on their local team their kid is the star. This team is made up of very good kids, all of whom are stars in their local program. We have had the same core group of kids all 5 years. It has been a fun experience for my dtr and myself.
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Trojanbuckeye
- Riding the Bench
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:41 am
Re: Ethical Approach to Approach a Coach?
Depending on the age you are talking about, I feel the parent should not speak to the coach about playing time. If there is a true issue, the player should be the one to ask. Have him/her approach the coach and ask what they need to do to improve their skills to get more playing time.
This solves 2 issues, one it addresses playing time with the coach without being offensive and it makes the player more responsible.
I don't know your situation but it may be that there are issues during practice or while the player is on the floor.
By the way, loved the story...great points. I read this several years ago and try to remember these when I get angry.
This solves 2 issues, one it addresses playing time with the coach without being offensive and it makes the player more responsible.
I don't know your situation but it may be that there are issues during practice or while the player is on the floor.
By the way, loved the story...great points. I read this several years ago and try to remember these when I get angry.
Re: Ethical Approach to Approach a Coach?
94Dragons,
I had never read that article before! AWESOME!!! Thank you for posting it! Best, straight forward, to the point article I have read!!!! As a coach myself, I definitely see a need for every parent to read this article because it is what they need to know and understand.
Thanks!
I had never read that article before! AWESOME!!! Thank you for posting it! Best, straight forward, to the point article I have read!!!! As a coach myself, I definitely see a need for every parent to read this article because it is what they need to know and understand.
Thanks!