Coaches have no true friends do they?

[CCC]

Based on request that asked me to post this on the football thread:
The longer I am in the business of coaching the more I see and hear people complaining about coaches at all levels. It seems to me that few people sincerely respect and value what coaches do for the young women and men they spend their time with. I have seen people that would rather have their son or daughter play every minute of each game then to have the team win the game. And if their child does not play enough then they become negative toward the coach and begin to involve their son or daughter in these conversations. My belief is that the parents who take this turn toward this negativity generally have children they are reluctant to critic and discipline themselves. Some parents have become enablers to their children and have lost the ability to lead by example and remember OR NOT what it was like when they played a particular sport. I have seen some parents who are genuinely concerned for all the players and the success of their particular school. Looking back I am so proud of my parents for not becoming the group of apathy that sits together in the stands when I was that kid in the bottom 15 on the team getting my most deserved 1.3 seconds of playing time per game when I was in middle school. The funny thing was that by the time the bottom 5 of the 15 reached 10th grade we all were starters. I wonder if that was because my parents were in my ear about how bad or good my coach was or if the time I put in the game IN THE OFF SEASON, finally paid off. I know what is the off season. I feel people are in the age of entitlement and that working hard means nothing any more. If you are a parent who supports your child and school and can say that with true passion you are such an asset to your child and school. I remember a time when coaches were treated as people and not the enemy and fans and parents supported their team but they have caused coaches to only associate with their staffs and players. Now when people or parents talk to coaches the coach had to wonder what the conversation is really about and the crowd thinks the parent is sucking up. I'm not sure how to change this epidemic but it is alive and real with great teams as well as bad. Maybe we should start back to the grass roots of being honest with our children and letting them know it's not always someone else's fault but that they might not be as gifted as the girl or boy in front of them or would that make our children mad at us? What happened to the child worrying if mom or dad would be mad at them instead? I love coaches at all levels and all sports for what they do and having the ability to not judge kids on who they are and aren't afraid to tell their players what they are good at and what they are not. What a gift to be able to show student athletes their positive and negative skill base and be able to take the time to work with them on their deficiencies each and every day and not just talk about it or blame it on their parents biological makeup. I think we all as a society need to take a step back and focus on our support for all your school programs and the advisors and coaches who devote numerous hours for the benefit of someone else's child.
Oh and by the way I need to throw in coaches spouses who agonize over every lose and hug on every win because as my wife calls coaching her mistress but yet finds herself supporting me and my players all the way. If anyone should dislike the coach it should be their family for taking away precious hours and time from their own family for someone else's child. Life is to short enjoy each other we are not here for very long ;)

[The Oaf]

Very good and informative post. Many of the points you highlighted are precisely why I couldn't even begin to have any desire to coach at the high school or junior high levels. I couldn't put up with it for a second. Social media has certainly changed things as well. It's now easier than ever for people to whine and complain and be heard, and I'm certainly not excluding myself. This topic has the potential to be a pretty good thread.

[Cruiser74]

Kudos CCC!

[urban buck]

Whine is about all you do oaf

[urban buck]

Whine is about all you do oaf

[urban buck]

Whine is about all you do oaf

[local superstar]

You sure got that right urban. Might be the understatement of the year.

[The Oaf]

Shame on you 2 cro magnon for poisoning a potentially good thread with your ankle deep nonsensical banter. You both, genetically speaking, are about 3 or 4 generations removed from swinging wildly in trees and communicating in a series of clicks and grunts. It is my earnest hope that neither of you have managed to successfully breed as you both make a very compelling and convincing argument for forced sterilization. I understand your obsession with me but if you wanted a signed 5x7 glossy, you should have just asked like all the rest of my fans on SEOPS do. You will solicit no further response from me in any form so don't bother with your inept, low-brow, sophomoric retorts. Even I tire of swatting at gnats, flies, and mosquitos.

:aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96 :aaaaa96

There, I needed to add more apes to my post.

[local superstar]

You really think anyone will take the time to read you WHINING. SINCE THAT IS ALL YOU DO.

[Willy Cheatem]

You really think anyone will take the time to read you WHINING. SINCE THAT IS ALL YOU DO.

I won't bore myself, so tell me what Oaf is whining about this time?

[fortdawg]

People coach for a multitude of reasons: They want to coach their son or daughter; they have a love of the game; they enjoy working with young people; and I am sure there are as many reasons as there are people who coach.

No matter who the coach you are going to get criticized----I remember being at a NY football game the year after Coach Boston won the State and some fans were unhappy and vocal. hahaahah

The vast majority of coaches are as good as their talent---there is a 1 to 2 percent that makes a liar out of that statement but it holds true generally.

How many coaches take a doormat and turn it into a perennial playoff team? Very few.

The joy of coaching comes from being around the kids----it is a way to still compete----and no job gives the satisfaction you get when a kid "Gets It"----no matter what the "It" was you were trying to teach.

Ray Watson (God rest his soul) told me once, "The stars need very little coaching, make the poor players average, and the average players good and you have done your job.

[Nevermore]

Very well said!

[local superstar]

On the point of this thread, it is humbling to realize when your coaching is done, so are a lot of the "so called" friends of the COACH!

[melitonB]

I heard a Marietta businessman offered Marietta's coach a buyout to quit?!

[The Oaf]

I heard a Marietta businessman offered Marietta's coach a buyout to quit?!

A friend of mine that graduated from there said the same thing. Where there's smoke, there's fire. I see no reason why Marietta isn't more competitive in football than what they are.

[boo33vb]

You gotta grow some thick skin, be able to shrug off negative comments, stick to your guns, and call out a parent ( one on one ) in a hallway or somewhere that can put both of you in a truth setting. If they fail to see where you are coming from then tuff. I keep statistical data that always backs up my decisions. I have coached volleyball for 18 years ( 17 at the high school level ) had alot of success and every season somebody is upset with playing time. The kids know who belongs on the court and so do i so that is who plays, period. I also am very carefull to balance playing time by position when i feel its right without sacrificing the effort of the team and winning. Its all about balance. If you have passion for the kids, the sport you coach and are still having some fun then keep going, if not then get out. 90% of the parents i have dealt with are great and the other 10 just don't get it, they are not bad people just hopefull for their kid.

[doubleplay643]

You gotta grow some thick skin, be able to shrug off negative comments, stick to your guns, and call out a parent ( one on one ) in a hallway or somewhere that can put both of you in a truth setting. If they fail to see where you are coming from then tuff. I keep statistical data that always backs up my decisions. I have coached volleyball for 18 years ( 17 at the high school level ) had alot of success and every season somebody is upset with playing time. The kids know who belongs on the court and so do i so that is who plays, period. I also am very carefull to balance playing time by position when i feel its right without sacrificing the effort of the team and winning. Its all about balance. If you have passion for the kids, the sport you coach and are still having some fun then keep going, if not then get out. 90% of the parents i have dealt with are great and the other 10 just don't get it, they are not bad people just hopefull for their kid.

Now that is a great comment boo33vb, in my line of work occasionally you just have to back people off otherwise they smell blood and just keep coming after you or your company or whatever the case may be, and like you mention above once that is done usually from there on out everyone understands and it is an even playing field so to speak for the remainder of the time you deal with them.

I am interested in your perspective though since you have coached for 17 years at the high school level do you think the parent involvement has changed during those 17 years? I just get the sense from an outside perspective that the level of "involvement" by some has increased or been ratcheted up a notch or two especially in the last 5-6 years. There is some age difference between my kids and either I am getting older and more pessimistic about things in general or there has definitely been a shift in the nature of involvement (maybe I just didn't notice it before). Maybe it is just the social media age and there is more stuff "out there" that you pick up on, but was wondering what your observation has been as a coach for that long. And do you think the level, gender, or sport matters (is girls volleyball different than boys basketball for instance) in how much "involvement" there is?

I agree with you the kids know what is up and they pretty much get it.

And lastly (sorry for all the questions lol) how do you limit it, you kept stats, hard to argue when it is black and white. Some coaches and schools have policies not to meet with parents unless the AD is present, some close practices, and there is a variety of methods I suppose. It seems to me from a team perspective if you can keep the "outside" chatter down it is better for the kids, coach, team, and ultimately program success.

Interesting topic indeed.

[local superstar]

Unfortunately there are some schools combined with some sports that the thick skin and shrugging off negatives and calling out parents don't even touch what the coaches go through. It goes so beyond these minor things makes me wonder when there will be a homicide somewhere. Not joking. Sad

[fortdawg]

Doubleplay, I know you didn't ask me but from my long perspective kids are kids and parents are parents---pick the era. No parent is rational about their own kid---the best you can hope for is realistic. hahaahahah There is going to be a parent or kid who's unhappy every year---the good years it's only one. hahaahah

At a Hall of Fame induction an old retiring coach was asked about his dream job----his answer was, "An Orphanage."

[The Oaf]

You gotta grow some thick skin, be able to shrug off negative comments, stick to your guns, and call out a parent ( one on one ) in a hallway or somewhere that can put both of you in a truth setting. If they fail to see where you are coming from then tuff. I keep statistical data that always backs up my decisions. I have coached volleyball for 18 years ( 17 at the high school level ) had alot of success and every season somebody is upset with playing time. The kids know who belongs on the court and so do i so that is who plays, period. I also am very carefull to balance playing time by position when i feel its right without sacrificing the effort of the team and winning. Its all about balance. If you have passion for the kids, the sport you coach and are still having some fun then keep going, if not then get out. 90% of the parents i have dealt with are great and the other 10 just don't get it, they are not bad people just hopefull for their kid.

Now that is a great comment boo33vb, in my line of work occasionally you just have to back people off otherwise they smell blood and just keep coming after you or your company or whatever the case may be, and like you mention above once that is done usually from there on out everyone understands and it is an even playing field so to speak for the remainder of the time you deal with them.

I am interested in your perspective though since you have coached for 17 years at the high school level do you think the parent involvement has changed during those 17 years? I just get the sense from an outside perspective that the level of "involvement" by some has increased or been ratcheted up a notch or two especially in the last 5-6 years. There is some age difference between my kids and either I am getting older and more pessimistic about things in general or there has definitely been a shift in the nature of involvement (maybe I just didn't notice it before). Maybe it is just the social media age and there is more stuff "out there" that you pick up on, but was wondering what your observation has been as a coach for that long. And do you think the level, gender, or sport matters (is girls volleyball different than boys basketball for instance) in how much "involvement" there is?

I agree with you the kids know what is up and they pretty much get it.

And lastly (sorry for all the questions lol) how do you limit it, you kept stats, hard to argue when it is black and white. Some coaches and schools have policies not to meet with parents unless the AD is present, some close practices, and there is a variety of methods I suppose. It seems to me from a team perspective if you can keep the "outside" chatter down it is better for the kids, coach, team, and ultimately program success.

Interesting topic indeed.

Good post. You bring up an interesting point. It goes without saying gender and sport absolutely makes a major difference. You just aren't going to have the interest and fanfare in girls volleyball or tennis as you will in football and boys basketball. No one cares if the volleyball team wins or not except the 30 parents in the stands. However, whole communities hinge on the success and failures of Friday night. So much more involvement.