holding kids back

[BigBlueNation]

What does people feel about holding kids back. The reason I ask me and my wife argue over this. I have a son going into the third grade but should be going into the second. He does really well in school but physicaly he is inmature. Last basketball season against kids his age he averaged 14 points a game this summer he is playing agaisnt 3rd and 4th graders which are a year or 2 years older and he is getting really down on his self he has not scored a point in about 20 games. I keep telling him it don't matter about the points as long as he plays hard. He plays hard a really practices hard also but physicaly he is inmature. I was wanting to hold him back but my wife thinks its stupid.

[fbnut]

Your going to open up a can of worms here, but ultimately it's you and your wife's decision. I have never heard anyone argue that holding a child back hurts the kid. People will argue its stupid, it's not right, you only want your kid to dominate younger kids. in my opinion boys will benefit all through school by making them a year older and physically and mentally more mature. Girls benefit more when they are younger but physically I don't think it benefits them when they get to high school.

[MClaw]

As long as he is doing well in school I see no reason to hold him back. Being good in sports is great and all but the grades are what it's all about. Sports are secondary.

[Tigercannon71]

Hes going into 3rd grade give the kid time to develop physically.

I think holding a kid back for sports is stupid. If they are having trouble in school then yes hold them back. My cousin was held back in 1st grade because his ability to follow directions in class was very bad. Now hes going into the 6th grade and in top of his class grade wise.

[BigBlueNation]

Sports is not the only reason I want to hold him back. Right now if he stays like he is he won't turn 18 until 2 months after he graduates and I don't want that.

[fbnut]

I have never heard anyone make the comment that they had made a mistake by holding their child back. I have heard more than once someone saying that if they had to do it over they would have held their child back.

[Tigercannon71]

Sports is not the only reason I want to hold him back. Right now if he stays like he is he won't turn 18 until 2 months after he graduates and I don't want that.

Whats wrong with that? Heck I played a college football game before I turned 18.

[noles_fan]

My thing is if you are going to hold a child back its best to do it as early as possible. I would do it before they start to develop friendships. You don't want your child to resent you because you split them up from their friends.

[ManitouDan]

I see nothing wrong with letting him be one of the older kids in his class instead of being one of the youngest .. I had my 2 yr assoc degree and right at 2 years experience at SOMC by the time I turned 20 . And yes def it hurt me in sports . that year makes a big difference ... I understand the argument against it , its valid , but so is the argument for it .

[Westfan]

I have never heard anyone make the comment that they had made a mistake by holding their child back. I have heard more than once someone saying that if they had to do it over they would have held their child back.

Exactly.

Grades are the most important thing. But they aren't going to get worse in school by staying back. They should do better. But if it helps them athletically and they are able to get a scholarship. How can you argue with that?

[MClaw]

Ulimately it is the parents decision on what to do here. A lot of good advice being posted by some smart people.

[Tigercannon71]

Noles fan had a great point if you are going to do it do it now because they haven't really developed those bonds with the others kids like they would if you held them back in say 7th or 8th.

[kingofthegame]

My daughter is almost exactly a year older and we started her to school as she was getting ready to turn 6. It was an excellent decision academically and socially. If you feel like he is immature behaviorally (rather than physically) then I say go for it. However, you will probably need to get his feelings into the discussion as well. Academically, I think the results will be nothing but positive.

[Ironman92]

As a parent who has the 2nd youngest kid in the class of 2013.....I think it ridiculous to hold a kid back for sports.

As a teacher of elementary kids for 15 years.....I think it's even more ridiculous. You go to school to get an education.

Almost every kid should be held back either in kindergarten or first grade.....for educational purposes.

How was his maturity level last year averaging 14 ppg? How was it in kindergarten and first grade?

If you and your wife made a thoughtful decision on when he should start kindergarten, and it was the incorrect one....you, your wife and likely the kindergarten and first grade teachers would've already more than addressed this issue. If he's struggling in school, absolutely....the younger the better. If he's struggling in basketball....hard work and a passion for the game will be more than enough to take him as far as he is ever going to go in basketball.

Good Luck!

[jujubean]

LuvBigCats

I had to read your post a couple of times to understand what your intentions are. I don't understand why you would post a kid's point average being he played in an instructional league (I'm assuming that a 7 year old league is that). Plus, you said he was playing up this summer and not doing as well. If you think he needs held back because of physical immaturity - why did he play up?

My advice - and it's probably no better than anyone else's - is to leave him be now . . . and wait. Look at yourself and ask "Did I mature faster, slower, average, compared to my classmates? Did my wife?" Chances are if you matured later - so will he. If you matured normal - so will he. It's genetics.

I personally think people (parents) put way too much stock into biddy ball, pee wee, and little league. I've seen a lot kids dominate at an early age but you never hear of them in high school. And this is for several reasons.

Spend time with your kid. You be the major influence in his life. Ultimately, it's you and your wife's decision and ultimately it you and your wife's contribution to his childhood that will help him develop the most. Not the school, not the sports programs ... but you.

In essence, I'm throwing it on you - it's your son.

[Blackjack]

People are VERY naive if you think there is no advantage to being a year older than your competition. Doesn't matter if its Education or Sports. A kid who is a year older than his or her classmates is smarter, stronger, and more mature. A kid in their Senior year is smarter, stronger, and more mature than that same kid was in their Junior year. Come On Man.........

[fbnut]

If you don't think it helps than you really shouldn't care what other people choose to do

[BigBlueNation]

What happen with my son was, our plan was preschool then pre-k then kindergarden but the school talked my wife into skipping pre-k. He has several friends in the grade behind him that our even older than him. If I do hold him back he will probably be one of the older ones in his grade but noway the oldest. Thanks everyone who posted on this thread.

[IBTT]

Speaking from the standpoint of myself being the youngest in my class and starting college as a 17 year old, I know from my experience that I made a mistake from not staying back. Kids who are 17 when they graduate, normally boys moreso than girls, aren't ready for college, let alone high school at 14. The difference to most kids are their confidence and their comunication skills. I was always shy and scared to speak up, made many bad decisions that I feel I wouldn't have made had I been smart enough or mature enough to make the decision to stay back when my parents offered it to me. I have never heard a bad thing from any child or parent who had ever held a child back. Women seem to have the most difficulty with understanding this, usually thinking as most people first do, that it is all about sports. Its not just about sports, it gives your kid an edge, confidence. Usually grades go up, even for good students, and the kids I have seen become leaders, not followers. Life is only lived once and this is the best time of their lives, why rush it for them to grow up. It could mean the difference of a scholarship, whether it is an academic or athletic. This will benefit not be a negative impact on a child. Also, most kids have already built friendships through little league, where they have to play with kids their age. When they stay back, their friends will be there.

[Westfan]

Just look at a young man's growth around their senior year to first year or two of college. 18 19 is when you really begin to mature and fill out.

Just look at guys who become great players their junior senior years. That could be sophomore junior and even better senior. To think it doesn't help is naive.

The other thing holding a kid back is put into text like it's cheating. It's not, it's giving a kid their best chance to excell. Their are strict age rules that keep kids from being too old.