Wit & Wisdom

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:44 am

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that... is the beginning of a new argument.....

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 8:40 am

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

RiverRatRay · Post by **RiverRatRay** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 8:42 am

Congrats on #5000 TTT

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 8:44 am

Thanks......now working on the next 5000

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 8:45 am

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:

"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

RiverRatRay · Post by **RiverRatRay** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 8:45 am

You'll make it. :lol:

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 8:59 am

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2
item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

RiverRatRay · Post by **RiverRatRay** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:00 am

Mine will say, but we can put it on this card and we don't have to pay for it. :lol:

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:04 am

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:15 am

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE

This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School ( California ) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you can read this - thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English - thank a veteran!

___________________________________________________________

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Fri Apr 21, 2006 8:07 am

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Apr 21, 2006 5:49 pm

Years ago I thought old age would be dreadful,because I should not be able to do things I would want to do.Now I find there is nothing I want to do after all.

British politician Nancy Astor,quoted in the London Observer

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 10:30 pm

Always keep your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level.....

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 10:37 pm

A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame someone else....

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:59 pm

Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody

Samuel Pepys,quoted in The Book Reporter

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 10:51 am

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:53 am

Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life....

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Apr 27, 2006 7:58 pm

The men that American people admire the most extravagantly are the most daring liars;the men they detest the most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.

H.L. Mencken,quoted in the Toronto Star

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Fri Apr 28, 2006 8:55 am

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Apr 28, 2006 9:21 am

Let us be thankful for the fools.But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Mark Twain,quoted in the Passaic County,N.J.Herald News