Good Week For

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:42 pm

Coitus interruptue, after a study revealed that eight out of 10 adults are so dependent on their cell phones that they can't bear to turn them off during sex.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Aug 08, 2006 5:30 pm

High ambitions, after French police discovered a group of potheads trying to set record by rolling the longest marijuana cigarette,or "joint," in the history of the world. The joint was an impressive 32 inches long at the time of its creators' arrest.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Aug 11, 2006 8:57 pm

Conspiracy theorists,after astronaut Buzz Aldrin,the second man to walk on the moon,told interviewer for a British documentary that he and his crew saw a UFO during the Apollo 11 mission,but that NASA bosses covered it up."There was something out there," said Aldrin.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 3:29 pm

Despot solidarity, after North Korea's Kim Jong II sent a get-well-soon telegram tn Cuba's ailing Fidel Castro."I sincerly wish you a speedy recovery so that you can excellently continue to carry out the Cuban revolution,"wrote Kim.

Jethro · Post by **Jethro** » Thu Aug 17, 2006 5:33 am

For Football! :-D

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Aug 19, 2006 10:17 am

The future of the human race, after scientist at Germany's Max Planck Institute for Molecular Genetics announced the invention of the pill to combat stupidity.The drug has been shown to improve the attentiveness and short-term memory of fruit flies and mice.

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Aug 20, 2006 7:47 pm

Gimmicks,after Britain's largest supermarket chain announced plans to start selling square watermelons,grown in wooden boxes. "These square melons will make it easier than ever to eat,"said Damien Sutherland,exotic-fruit buyer for Tesco's.

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Aug 26, 2006 9:17 am

Patience,after three Mexican fisherman were found drifting in the Pacific 11 months after their fishing boat's engine died.The men had apparently survived on fish and rainwater.Two of their fellow crew members jumped overboard in despair after the first few days adrift.

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Aug 27, 2006 7:23 pm

Judging a book by its cover, after a team of German researchers declared that redheaded women are lustier and have sex more frequently than other women."The fiery redhead certainly lives up to her reputation," said professor Werner Habermehl.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:11 am

Incredible coincidences,after magician David Copperfield announced the discovery of an actual Fountain of youth on one of the four islands in the Bahamas he recently bought for $65 million. "Bugs or insects that are near death,come in contact with the water,they'll fly away," said Copperfield,who's made a fortune fooling people. "It's an amazing thing,very,very exciting,"

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Sep 06, 2006 8:15 am

Revisionism,with the news that the 50-year-old Tom and Jerry cartoons will be edited by British censors to remove scenes in which Tom,the cat,smokes.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:31 pm

Faith-based Initiatives, after Madonna approached the nuclear industry with a plan to clean up nuclear waste by washing it in a "magical" Kabbalah fluid.

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:10 pm

Stoners, after law enforcement officials in the Northeast announced that,owing to a hot,wet summer,a bumper harvest of marijuana is expected."We're hearing it's great crop," said Saratoga County,N.Y., Undersheriff Michael Woodcock. "It was jungle-like weather,and it is a tropical plant."

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Sep 14, 2006 9:02 am

Five o'clock shadows, after a study by British researchers found that men who need to shave only once or twice a week have a 70 percent increased risk of suffering a stroke.Lower testosterone levels may be the culprit. "There may well be some hormonal explanation," said professor Shah Ebrahim.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 8:12 am

Multitasking,after a scientific study revealed that teenagers who study while listening to raucous,guitar-based rock music demonstrate enchaced powers of concentration and memory.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 8:18 pm

Teaching civic responsibility, after toy makers Mattel unveiled Tanner, Barbie's new pet dog.Tanner can be fed little brown plastic "biscuits," which he then defecates,so that Barbie can scoop them up using her new,magnetic pooper-scooer.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Sep 25, 2006 8:53 pm

Legal loopholes, after sexual-assault charges were dropped against three Wisconsin youths who tried to dig up a recently buried 20-year-old woman's corpse so they could have sex with it. Under Wisconsin law,the judge pointed out,necrophilia is not a crime.

Remember_The_Name · Post by **Remember_The_Name** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:19 am

good week for hunting

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 9:09 am

Free-range pork,after a 150-pound pig wandered onto U.S.Highway 41 near Green Bay,Wis,and defied multiple efforts to subdue it. The mighty beast was twice Tasered by police,to no effect and then fended off attempts by a former pig farmer to wrestle it to the ground.It finally succumbed after being hit with three tranquilizer darts.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:23 pm

Performance art,after a German art student snuck into a line of China's famed terra-cotta warriors in Xian.The student,Pablo Wendel,stood among the clay soldiers for several minutes, motionless and dressed in a military costume,until he was spotted and arrested.