Good Week For

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:38 am

Sour grapes,after deposed CBS news anchor Dan Rather said that the "Evening News" had gone downhill since the network hired Katie Couric to "tart it up' and "dumb it down"

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jul 03, 2007 3:34 pm

Geese,with the discovery of a link between foie gras,the delicacy carved from the swollen livers of force-fed geese,and human diseases including Alzheimer's,and rheumatoid arthritis.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:43 am

Clean living,after the newly ackonwledged world's oldest man,Tomoji Tanabe of Japan,111,credited his longevity to not drinking alcohol or smoking,and to downing a glass of milk every day. "I don't want to die," Tanabe Explained

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:33 am

Fat people,who are twice as likely as those of normal body weight to still be alive three years after a heart attack according to new research. Then again,according to old,undisputed researsh they are far more likely to suffer heart attack in the first place.

Post by **noreply66** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:36 am

Doing the heavy lifting. after health officials in Canada unveiled an ambulance designed to accommodate the growing number of morbidly obese people.The vehicle features an extra-wide stretcher and a hydraulic crane that can left invalids weighing up to 1,000 pounds.

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Jul 07, 2007 10:07 am

Reefer madness,after an estimated 2,000 pounds of marijuana went up in smoke during a warehouse fire in Texas.The 35 firefighters tacking the blaze reported disorientation and extreme lethargy, classic symptoms of cannabis consumption,and fire chief Shawn Sider said they probably would fail a drug test.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:07 pm

Moving tributes,after President Bush,in saying farewell to outgoing British Prime Minister Tony Blair,spoke enviously of Blair's communication skills."This guy can really --[pause]--he can talk," said Bush."He's much more kind of lofty and eloquent than I am."

Post by **noreply66** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 9:10 am

Exaggerators, with the news that the word ginormous meaning gigantic or enormous,only much,much more so--will be included in this year's edition of the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:48 am

A Plan B For Irag, after the Iraqi city of Basra--where rival militias are battling for control--was swept by rumors that desperate British forces had unleashed a breed of giant,man-eating badgers called Al-Girta to eat the population."I saw it three days ago at night attacking animals," said Sattar Jabbar,a farmer."It even ate a cow."

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:39 am

The spread of Capitalism, as the Chinese city of Luoyang,vying for the honor of being named "state-level hygienic city," set a bounty of 1,000 yuan--about $130 --for every 2,000 flies turned in by residents.To claim the reward,residents must bring in the flies dead.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jul 23, 2007 1:22 pm

Justice, after police in Hanover,Germany,refused to press charges against a man who was struggling with a balky computer late at night and hurled it out the window,causing a loud crash that woke some of his neighbors. "Who hasn't felt like doing that?" said a police slpoesman.

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Jul 24, 2007 12:43 pm

Persistence, after the Philadephia Phillies lost the 10,000th game in the history of the franchise---more than any other American team in any sport.Philalephia fans,known for their sarcastic fatelism,stood and cheered as Ryan Howard struck out for the final out of a 10--2 loss.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:49 am

Ben Czisiowski, an Australian rugby player,who finally sought medical attension for a throbbing headache that had lasted four months.Doctors told him he has been living with an opponent's tooth buried in his forehead.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:24 am

Laughing at royals, after Princess Martha Louise of Norway anounced to the world that she has been communicating directly with angels since childhood.The Princess,35, says she has come "to understand the value of this enormous gift and would like to share it with others.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:57 am

living large,after a Middle Eastern businessman and 17 lucky guest racked up a $200,000 bar bill at a London nightclub.The tab included several $1,400 magnums of Dom Perigon,a massive methuselah of Belvedere vodka costing $2,800,and six Coca-Colas.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Aug 02, 2007 8:46 am

Richard Yates, a British postman who defied last week's historic floods to deliver copies of the final Harry Potter book to stranded fans in the village of Evesham,and is now being hailed as a national hero.

Post by **noreply66** » Sun Aug 05, 2007 10:14 am

Sixth senses,,after doctors reported in the New England Journal of Medicine that a resident cat named Oscar always knows when patients at a providence nursing home are going to die.In two years at the home,doctors say,Oscar has curled up on the beds of 25 residents just minutes or hours before they die.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Sun Aug 05, 2007 4:47 pm

sleep

Post by **noreply66** » Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:36 am

Going somewhere fast,after Eddy Kontelj of Tasmania set a new world record for pedaling a stationary bicycle. Kontelj passed the previous record of 111 hours,11 minutes,11 seconds and was still "cycling"as the news went to press.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Aug 09, 2007 8:44 am

The invisible hand, after a Transcendental Meditation group based in Iowa vowed to raise the Dow Jones industrial average to 17,000 by sheer force of their focused energy."We're not trying to convince anyone of anything," said Bob Roth of the Invincible American Assembly,"we're just doing it.