Good Week For

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Grotesque excess, after Manhattan chef Frank Tujague unveiled his version of a bagel with cream cheese. Topped with white-truffle cream cheese and gold-leaf-flecked goji jelly, the bagel is on the menu at the Westin New York hotel for a mouthwatering $1,000.

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Effciency, after an official from Canada's Royal Ontario Museum, who was seeking a rare sheleton of the 80-foot-long Barasaurus, found one without the help of paleontogists--in fact without even leaving the building.The museam had acquired just such a skeleton in 1962, but forgot about it and put it in storage.

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The Matrix, after Dutch police charged a teenager with stealing $5,000 worth of virtual furniture from a virtual hotel in an online game. The teen allegedly hacked into the accounts of other players in the Habbo Hotel game, took virtual furniture thay had paid for in real currency, and put it into his own virtual hotel room.

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Barbecue, after French chef set a world record by roasting a 1,213-pound camel in Morocco. In re-creating an ancient local tradition, Christian Falco used three tons of wood to slowly spit-cook the intact dromedary, upon which 500 Moroccans happly feasted.

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King Juan Carlos, of Spain, whose putdown of bombastic Venezuelan President Hugo Chaves at a recent summit of Latin leaders---"Why don't you shut uo?"--has instantly become the most popular ring in Spain. About 500,000 people downloaded the king's insult in one week.

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Vigilance, after Iraqi soldier noticed that the bride in a wedding party passing through a checkpoint near Baghdad not only was remarkably ugly but had a 5 0'clock shadow. The bride,as well as the groom and several of the celebrants, turned out to be men suspected of terrorist activities.

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Iceland, which was named the most desirable country to live in by the U.N. Human Development. The tiny island nation, which is frozen and dark most of the year,edged out Norway due to its long life expectancy, high educational level, and comfortable per capita income.

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Hot pursuit, after a man named Warren Whitelighting stole a Krispy Kreme doughnut truck and led several police cars on an 80-mph chase, leaving a trail of hundreds of donuts rolling down the street of Madison, Wis. Whitelighting was charged with drunkin driving, ramming a police car, and host of other crimes.

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Specificity, after Sister Kathy Avery informed students at St. Clare of Montefalco Catholic School near Detroit that they are not allowed to swear. To make sure they understood, she read a list of the forbidden words and phrases. "it got a little quiet in church," Sister Kathy said.

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Christmas Miracles,after a postcard featuring a color drawing of Santa Claus mailed in Alma, Neb. in 1914 was delievered to Oberlin,Kan., last week. "It is kind of curious," said Bernice Martin, who took the card on behalf of her sister-in-law,who is now deceased.

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The foulmouthed,,after a Pennaylvania judge acquited a woman of disorderly conduct for swearing at her malfuctioning toilet. Her neighbor, a policeman, charged Dawn Herb,33, with a crime after he heard her repeatedly using the F-word through her bathroom window. The language Herb used "may be considered by some to be offensive, vulger, and imprudent," the judge ruled, but she was entilted to use it under the First Amendment.

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Thor, after a Utah inmate sued for the right to practice the Asatru religion behind bars. To observe the Norse religion properly,Michael Polk says he needs a mead horn used for drining wassail, a drum made of wood and boar skin, a rune staff, and a reasonable facsimile of Thor's hammer.

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Boston sports fans, after the New England Patriots beat the San Diego Chargers to go 18 and 0 for the season and qualify for the Super Bowl. In October, the Boston Red Sox won the World Series, and the Boston Celtics currently have the best record in the National Basketball Association.

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Religious instruction,after the pastor of the Relevant Church in Ybor City, Florida, issued a "30-day sex challenge" for married congregants to fool around--with their spouses--every day for a month, in an effort to reduce the divorce rate.

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Fat Guys,after the Florida Marlins held tryouts for a new cheerleading squad called the Manatees, which will consist entirely of overweight--but limber--men.

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Getting out of a tight spot, after Serena Kozakura, a Japanese swimsuit model, was acquitted of breaking into her ex-boyfriend's house through a hole in the wall by demonstrating to the court that her breast were too big to fit through it.

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Being high on Mount Sinai,after an Israeli researcher concluded that Moses was probably on hallucinogenic drugs when he heard God deliver the Ten Commandments. Mind-altering substances played an intergral role in the religious rites of Israelites in biblical times, said Hegrew University psychologist Benny Shanon.

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Mean Girls after a study found that high school students who savage their peers by spreading rumors and excluding them from cliques are viewed by other kids as popular and well-liked.