Wal-mart application

[orange-n-brown 365]

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .
They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old B@$t@rd)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION : Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available . If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION ?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS ?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.


***Old People Rock! ***

[LICKING COUNTY FAN]

That might be the best post on here to date.

[Orange and Brown]

Sounds like one of my college apps.

[noreply66]

When my neighbor said he put those things down I didn't believe him.

[The Instructor]

I love it!

[BigOrangeOne]

It IS funny..... but I wouldn't hire him.

[RiverRatRay]

I got a lot of funny Aps at Sam's Club. One I remember very well. The question was, Have you ever been convicted of a felony? The answer, Yes, but I would like to talk with someone about it. Well they weren't going to talk with me.

[Mouth's Better Half]

That is hilarious!

[sportsfanatic85]

That was hilarious!!