Good Week For

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Second helpings,after a Siclian court ruled that an accused Mafioso could go home because he was too fat for any jail in Italy. Salvatore Ferranti, who weighs 462 pounds, couldn't get through prison doors, and didn't fit in any prison bed.

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John McCain--after a foreign-policy advisor to Barrack Obama described Hillary Clinton as a "monster" willing to do anything to get elected.Days later, Clinton supporter Geraldine Ferraro said that Obama was a viable presidential candidate only because he's black. "If Obama was a white man." she said ,"he would not be in this position.

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Tiger Woods ,who won his fifth straight PGA tournamet, bringing his career total to 64 wins. That ties him with Ben Hogan on the career victory list and leaves only two golfers, Sam Snead and Jack Nicklaus, with more wins.

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Zach Dunlap of Oklahoma,who was declared brain-dead after an accident, but then began moving his foot and hands as doctors prepared to harvest his organs. The 21-year-old slowly regained consciousness and was sent home to continue his recovery. " I feel pretty good," he said last week.

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April Fools' Jokes, after British newspapers printed photos of penguins flying north to the Amazon, and also :revealed: on Aplril 1 that France's diminutive President Nicolas Sarkozy would undergo a pioneering stretching operation so that he'd be as tall as his new wife, former model Carla Bruni.

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The wisdom of Solomon, after a Serb farmer who was ordered to split his property with his ex-wife cut all his farm tools in half with a grinder. "I still haven't decided how to split the cow." said Branko Zivkow.

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Voyeurism, after a 15-year-old nude photograph of French first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy was sold at auction for $91,000, 20 times its expected price.

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Knowing when to quit, when a Japanese high school baseball team walked off the field in the second inning after falling behind, 66-0.

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Petitioning the Lord, after church choir director Rocky Twyman 59, began staging "pray-ins" across the country at which frustrated motorists beseech the Almighty for Relief from soaring gas prices.

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Leeing after a senior aid to French President Nicolas Sarkozy published a guide to Paris neighborhoods that highlights each one's :feminine specialty." Pierre-Louis Colin's Guide to the Pretty Women of Paris notes, for example, that Menilmoutant features "radiant breast often uncluttered by a bra.

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kids in Clara City, Minn., where the school district announced plans to cancel all Monday classes and go to a four-day school week next year to save money.

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Underachievers,after schools around the country began instituting a minimun grade of 50, rather than zero. Educators said the adjustment would "encourage student performance

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Getting the shot ,after a Utah newspaper photographer shooting a high school track championship was speard through the leg by a javelin.Ryan McGeeney immediately snapped a photo of his impaled leg.

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24th-century tourists--after engineers said recent efforts to stabilize the learning tower of Pisa would keep the monument at its current angle for at least 300 years.

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Divine Intervention, after two New Zealand pilots ran out of fuel in midflight and prayed for God's help. The microlight plane came to a safe landing next to a 20-foot sign that said "Jesus is Lord."

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Last Laugh, after Frederic J. Baur of Cincinnati, the deceased designer of the pringles potato chip can, had his cremated remains buried in one of his tubular inventions.

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The endless night ,after the McMurdo research base in Antarctica stocked up for two months of darkness with a shipment of 16,500 condoms. "For the most part," said the base's manager, the 125 scientists who'll spend the winter there " know how to occupy their time."

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The devil you know, after a Romanian village re-elected Mayor Neculai Ivascu even though he died shortly before the election. Ivascu had been mayor for nearly 20 years. "I know he died, but I don't want change," said one voter.

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Further blasphemies, after the Vatican forbade the makers of a sequel to authur Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" from filming on its grounds or in any Catholic church in Rome. "Usually we read the script, but in this case it wasn't necessary," said spokesman Rev. Marco Fibbi. "Just the name Dan Brown was enough."

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getting some relief , after a Nevada brothel offered an incentive of a $50 gas voucher to all clients who purchased $300 worth of services. The voucher sold out in a week.